I think they’re lying?

The importance of honesty is something that’s force-fed on us along with the rest of the classic parental blue platitude special. When one is very young, one tends to lie about everything in an attempt to avoid blame. If a four-year old boy gets caught by his mom, with his hand in the cookie jar and a mouth so full of cookie that he can barely talk, his prompt reply is ‘No’. Children will lie right in your face and then eat more cookies as soon as you turn your back on them.

I still remember an incident when I was in Class VIII. On a bright sunny day I was playing cricket with my friends. I was the Umpire. My friend Bubble (nick name) was batting. Unfortunately when he hit the ball it came right at me. I was staring at the ball, and before I could react, I was down on the ground. Blood started pouring out of my mouth. Bubble immediately brought a bottle of water and asked me to wash my face and mouth. I obeyed the instructions like a good friend and kept doing the same, till it stopped bleeding. I told all my friends not to mention this incident to my mom or dad.

When I went home and sat down for dinner, I could not eat anything because of the shooting pain. To avoid a confrontation with my parents, I chose to go to bed early that day. My father inquired about my weird behavior and since I could not talk I signaled him that I was going to bed early. Next morning when fresh rays of sun caressed my face, I got up and saw my mom and dad were standing just next to my bed. They saw my whole face was swollen and took me to the hospital. The Doctor surprised me by telling them that I had three fractures in my jaw. My obvious lie was now exposed. I wonder till today why my parents never yelled at me.

In due course of time a lot of lectures were focused on how lying is bad and you can run from a good lie but never hide from it. One day or the other, one will get caught. We stress on the idea that one should always tell the truth, and follow it most of the time. But then inconsistency creeps in. This is where the vicious circle of a lie becomes a part of our daily routine. We tell our Aunt that she is looking stunning whereas the truth is somewhat the opposite. Mom tells us to mention our age as five even though we’re seven, so she can enjoy the free discounts on based on our age. Later every kid puts forward an innocent question- “But Mom, why did you lie to the man?.. I’m seven not five!” All Moms never had and will never have a very convincing answer to that.

That’s when one realizes that all that talk about honesty, was just a mirage. If you want to get along in the world, it probably makes sense to tell a little , itsy-bitsy lie now and then. I, on the other hand have developed an odd little predilection to this habit. I can’t tell obvious lies.

In order to ascertain whether or not honesty is really the best policy, I have a comparison of two students in the process of applying for fellowship. I applied for a fellowship along with my friend whom I will refer to here as Kavita.

My friend Kavita, being the savvy sort, decided that she should have good answers to all the questions that were asked. Hence, when the form asked for an influential figure, she researched to find someone appropriate to the fellowship in question. When she was asked to describe an important moment in her life, she embellished on something that could be construed as a reasonable anecdote. This is because Kavita is smart, and understands how the world works. I, on the other hand, did not have much of an idea on the works of the world.

When asked about a person who made an impact on me, I simply mentioned the famous comedian Johnny Walker, because he’s my favorite comedian ever. This probably may not be the right choice, not a good example, not a great leader, but he is alluring to the masses and I like him. When asked for a moment what would have brought a change in my life. I couldn’t think of anything, because my life has not really taken any drastic leaps since the day I was born. However, a friend pointed out to me, that this could technically count as an answer. So, I proceeded to write an essay on how being born changed my life, helped me to emerge as a person, and led me to realize that the world was bigger than I thought.

This was a poor strategy. I would imagine that people reading Kavita’s application might say, “Great, this is just the type of person we are looking for,” whereas people reading my application might say, “Oh, this guy has no clue how to fill out applications.” In the realms of applications, it would seem that honesty is a lousy policy.

However, there is more to life than just applications. There were a lot of extra-curricular activities on campus, because even though people complain that Dayal Singh College students are an apathetic bunch, we like our hobbies. We like our hobbies so much that we want our friends to come and see us at our hobbies. Unfortunately, the irony is that we don’t always like our friends’ hobbies. For example, a large group of my friends were members of a certain group that rhymes with “Shri Ram Group of Art & Drama”. I like my friends. They’re good people. And I am glad that they enjoy doing things like singing. But I would rather walk around all day with a Labrador hooked to my hand than to spend hours listening to their choral chanting. My friends knew this, and so when they had concerts, I felt absolutely no urge to attend.

On the other hand, some people feel a social obligation to show up at activities they have absolutely no desire for, to see and support their friends. Let’s say there’s a track meet or a Football game which doesn’t interest you. If you’re one like Kavita, you’ll probably show up anyway if a friend wants you to, because it’s the nicest thing to do. In this case, it seems that honesty is the best policy, because you don’t have to show up for things that you hate.

When I go and talk to people in the corporate world, people in person admit that they don’t tell white lies, but they twist their words to be sweet in front of their bosses – meaning they would like to be the blue eyed boy.

In most of the meetings, one finds, some different kind of people who will remain silent. I don’t understand why they remain silent – are they afraid of their bosses? They know that their silence will not be to the benefit of the organization for which they work. It’s like a kid who eats lots of chocolate and tells her mom that he doesn’t.

Most of the time it happens that when a senior officer of a large company suggests some solution to other management colleagues, others either say “Mr. X your idea is good, but I think there are some problems……..” in short they don’t agree to the suggestions. Many a time though we know our boss is not on the right side, yet most of us nod our heads in favour of what he has just said thinking if the boss accepts his point of view we will boldly and vocally appreciate the matter, and if it goes the other way round, we will have a chance to say “Look boss I warned you but you were not willing to appreciate the same ……”. Many a times in the meeting, people either nod their heads from top to bottom direction as a signal of acceptance, but many also move their heads right to left which is a diplomatic sign. Depending upon the pattern, they convert this signal to yes or no. Would you call all these signs as white lies, or just being diplomatic? Why do people behave in this manner? Are they doing so because they are scared of someone, or they are scared of losing their jobs, or is it because they want to rise fast in the company without proving themselves in what they are good at? When I talk to people, some of them say that they are doing exactly what their senior wants them to do. I sometimes feel that they don’t do things for which their senior wants them to do, but they do only such things which will keep their seniors happy.

Many times people don’t tell white lies, they are very bold and hold fast to their principles. But most of the time, they will have answers to every work which is not accomplished, like “why this report is not correct”? “Sir, What can I do, I have been telling the head office to send me the data, but I think there is some problem, which is why they not able to send the data”. In such a kind of statement the person has conveyed first, that this is not his mistake and second, since there are problems at the head office it is also not their mistake (saving head office people’s skin because he does not want to appear as the villain in front of his colleagues at HO). But in this statement where has he passed the buck and what solution can be found?. The end result is that the jobs suffer and keep suffering…

These are but a few typical examples of how we behave in a “civilized” society. Some of you may respond by saying that these are not lies but being polite. However, I call this being hypocritical.

There’s probably a moral to be drawn from all of this, but I’ll just be honest and admit that I have no idea what it is. But this supports a fact that every one, whether children at my house, your friends, your subordinates or colleagues at your work place, or your wife at your home, behave exactly how they are measured. And we are all measured not by how straight forward or honest we are but by how polite and conforming we seem.

And to sum up, all I can do is to repeat what Thomas Jefferson, the 3US president once quoted “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom”